Random Cullen Conversations
by IhUgGeDaBeAr
Summary: Post BD. Characters a little OOC. Co-written with LittleNessie12. The title pretty much says it all....
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so here's the deal. My best friend Kim a.k.a. LittleNessie12 wanted to co-write a story. Here are some Random Cullen Conversations, from yours truly, the Cullens. It's after Breaking Dawn, so the werewolves will probably pop up too. And it's seven years after Breaking Dawn.  
**

_LittleNessie12: Hola! I have talked my friend Ashley (a.k.a. LittleSeth12) into co-writing a story with me. Why she agreed is beyond me. Maybe she was high..._

_LittleSeth12: OK for starters, I am not high! I haven't had my germ-x yet!_

_LittleNessie12: You can get high off Germ-x?_

_Seth: Ya. But all it really does is kill your brain._

_Nessie: You had a brain to begin with?_

_Seth: Duh! How stupid do you think i am?!?_

_Nessie: I plea the fifth on that one. Why don't we just get on with the freaking disclaimer?_

**Disclaimer: _Us: _Oh Emmett? _Imaginary Emmett: _Yeah? _Us: _Do we own Twilight? _Emmett: _No. Kim, I thought Edward already told you this? _LittleNessie12: _So. We're just checking. _Emmett: _Well, you don't. _LittleSeth12: _Just for that we won't include you in this chapter. _Emmett: _Aw...**

Third Person POV

Edward was sitting quietly, missing Bella (who was hunting) but enjoying his moment of peace.

Jacob walked in. Moment of peace over.

"Have you seen Nessie?" Jake asked, sitting down lazily in a chair.

"No."

"What, all I get is a 'no'? Helpful man, real helpful."

"Did somebody forget to take his medication today?" Edward asked. Annoying Jacob was his third favorite pastime.

"Dude, she's your daughter, you should know these sorts of things."

"And she's your girlfriend, you should also probably know."

"Touche..."

Edward and Jacob hadn't been in a room alone since the days when they fought over Bella. And even then, all they did was threaten each other.

"Now this is akward..." Jacob said.

"Jake, it's been akward ever since you imprinted on my daughter."

"Speaking of which, you've been surprisingly cool about it..."

"Only because she'd kill me if I did anything to you."

"Naw, I just think you actually like me a bit." Jake replied, leaning back in his chair.

"Like you? I like the Volturi better." Edward remarked.

"Somebody's awfully cranky today; are you sure it's not you're time of the month again?"

"I'm a guy, Jacob."

"For all we know, you could be a girl."

"Well then, how could I have a daughter?"

"Shit. Thank you for killing an awesome joke, Edweirdo."

"You're welcome." Edward replied, grinning.

"Go to Hell, Eddie."

"It might take me some time, but I'll see you there."

"Don't worry, I'll wait for you."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**The first chapter is finished. **

_LittleNessie12: _Wow. That was quick.

**LittleSeth12**: no kidding I'm like out of ideas now!

_LittleNessie12: _So am I. Um.... reviews are appreciated. Click the button at the bottom of the screen and do it already!

**LittleSeth12:** If you don't i will hunt you DOWN!!!

_LittleNessie12: _Well that wasn't stalker-ish at ALL!

**Seth**: Well I'm not a stalker and maybe not nice to people but ya know what screw this!

_LittleNessie12: _Somebody's been sniffin the Germ-x a little too much!

**Seth**: No I'm just bi-polar!

_LittleNessie12: _You didn't even know what that meant until I told you a minute ago...

**Seth**: No... that was when we ate Ramon noddles!

_LittleNessie12: _It's spelled _Ramen Noodles, _genius. Why don't we just end this now and post this crap. Our fights are longer han the story.

**Review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey People! Weeee'rrrrreeeeee Baaaaacck! Here is the second chapter to Random Cullen Conversations...**

**LittleNessie12: **And to the kind anonymous reviewer who wrote his name as: 'littlenessie12 is a weirdo': You suck, and don't know how to spell. Get a life, and stop trying to crush the dreams of two 13-year-olds aspiring to become writers. And yes, I am a weirdo. Weirdos rule the world.

**LittleSeth12: **_And, for the record, LittleNessie12 is my bff forever, and don't mess with me cause I know where you live. _

**LittleNessie12: **Have fun with life, loser. On a lighter note, we did actually have some GOOD reviews. Thanx to everyone who liked the first chapter.

**LittleSeth12: **_Yeah, thanks. ON WITH THE DISCLAIMER! HUZZAH!_

**LittleNessie12**: Um...Huzzah?

**LittleSeth12**_: People said this in the olden times._

**LittleNessie12: **Ok then.

**Disclaimer: We so own the Twilight Series. ImaginaryEdward:** No, no you don't. **LittleNessie12: **Thanx for killing our dreams, Eddie. **ImaginaryEdward: **Don't call me Eddie. **LittleSeth12: **Then let us have the series. **ImaginaryEdward: **No. Even if I could do that, I wouldn't. **LittleNessie12: **Then Eddie you will remain. **Imaginary Edward: **Fine. But you still don't own the series. **Us: **Whatever.

Emmett POV

I was arriving home from hunting-irritable grizzlies are in season- when I came across something peculiar. Nessie and Jacob kissing. Eew.

"OH GOD, OH GOD!" I said, covering my eyes. "MY POOR LITTLE VIRGIN EY-" Oh. Right. "EDDIE'S POOR LITTLE VIRGIN-"

"Finish that sentence and you die." Edward said, coming out of the house. "Was there a specific reason for you to scream?"

Nessie was starting to blush. This was gonna be good.

"Well Edward," I said very matter-of-factly. "Your impressionable child here was kissing the dog."

"EMMETT!" Renesmee yelled. "What is wrong with you!"

So many things...but that was besides the point.

"Ness, it was full-on tonsil hockey."

"EMMETT!" This time it was Jacob.

"Emmett," Edward said, pinching the bridge of his nose. Oooohh, I got him strrrreeesssseeedd! "Renesmee is perfectly within her right to kiss Jacob, and vice versa. Stop embarrassing them."

"Thank you, dad. Emmett?"

"Yes, my darling niece?"

"Never do that again, or I will kill you."

"Yeah, I'd like to see you try, squirt." I said, standing right in front of her. Being six feet tall had it's advantages. "Just run along and play with your Jakey-poo." Operation Mortify Renesmee: Complete.

"You have five seconds to run..." Jacob said threateningly. Eddie went back into the house, muttering about 'not wanting to be involved'.

"Five..." Ness began.

"Ooh, I'm so scared."

"Four..." Jacob began shaking.

"Guys. Seriously. Do you really want to-"

"Three..." Jake was already a wolf.

"Now back off..."

"Two."

Oh. Crap.

"One."

"Aaaaahhhhh!!!!" I screamed, running like the dickens... 'running like the dickens'? Was I high? Hmmm...could vampires get high?

I was making a mental note to find myself some heroin to test that theory when I noticed no one was following me.

"Loser!!!" I heard Jake and Nessie yell as they laughed and ran inside.

They will pay....

**LittleNessie12: **It was short, I know. We're not good for writing too long.

**LittleSeth12:** Yeah, you're right. I have a short attention span.

**LittleNessie12: **Or you could be high. Germ-x is pretty easy to get.

**LittleSeth12:** Your probably right on that one. Then again......

**LittleNessie12: **Then again what? You have serious mental issues and should be taken to the loony bin?

**LittleSeth12:** Then again I could just be high off of fritos.

**LittleNessie12: **You get high off some strange things, kid. Please review guys!!!


End file.
